a pair of blue eyes.

I hate when you go to read an article on the Internet based on the first few sentences used to get you to click on the link and read it, only to find out the article has absolutely nothing to do with those first few sentences.

Today is my day off and he sends me some jerk email this AM, so I have to go in and do some work. I asked for this info yesterday so I could get it all done…but noooo. I get that he is upset he lost his fight against our motion to dismiss but that doesn’t give you the right to act like you are in your terrible twos.

He’s lucky it was casual friday and I could roll up in the office in jeans…otherwise, I might have to drive down to the beach and give him a beat down.

for the first time in my life. and i didn’t even realize it. luckily i have a responsible co-worker who found it the rental car we took on a business trip and luckily he found it before he turned it in. my whole life is in that thing! whew…

Kid attorney (I think I’ve mentioned him before)— He is my age, but I call him a Kid because he just took the bar, is not very mature and doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He is representing a legitimately crazy person (thinks he was fired because of big government conspiracy but really just fired because he was seeing imaginary things at work).

Since I first started dealing with Kid, I was pretty sure he was just as crazy as his client. He is really buying into all the conspiracy theories this guy is cooking up. But his emails were starting to get a little nasty…e.g. If you don’t…I’m going to (fill in the blank with sanction, motion, file another lawsuit/claim, report you to the bar, etc.). He has a tendency to blow things out of proportion and will mischaracterize anything and everything you say. I’m also pretty sure he has never read any relevant statute or case law relevant to our case yet he loves to throw out there that law is on his side but always fails to give us a cite — even when asked.

Anyway, I met him the other day in person for a deposition. Kid seemed normal. Tall. Attractive. Then he opened his mouth. The deposition was the same crazy I had been dealing with…same story I had heard over an over. Lots of mischaracterizations. A little argumentative. Lots of repetition.  Totally unprofessional when he whipped out his phone in the middle of the witness’s answer and started texting/emailing. It was all I could do to not laugh hysterically when the witness just stopped talking because of this. 

But overall he had not met my expectations of how crazy he would be. But the crazy was back at it today with an email that reached a whole other level of crazy. I can’t even begin to explain what he was asking because it was nonsensical…but it was something like (I think) “if I lose the motion to dismiss, it wouldn’t make any sense. So let’s just dismiss the motion to dismiss. But if I win the motion, I want to try the case as soon as possible.” FYI — trial date is set. We can’t move it up. And the whole reason we have a motion to dismiss is because his case makes no sense. So he realizes it makes no sense, but tries to use that to his advantage.

So lessons for new attorneys:

1. Be wary of representing crazy people — it might mean you are crazy too. He is this guy’s fourth attorney.

2. Don’t threaten people every time you try to settle a case.

3. Be prepared with specific statutory authority and case law if you insist on saying “the law is on our side.” 

4. Don’t mischaracterize statements. Don’t misquote. Don’t beat a dead horse by asking the same question over and over. 

5. Don’t email, call or text opposing counsel after drinking, smoking, or without having an adult holding your hand. Okay — so the last part only applies to the immature attorneys.

My boss said this Kid picked the wrong profession. That made me feel so much better about my job choice because, well, he hired me and thinks I did pick the right profession. I love my job but I’m not sure I’d be a happy attorney anywhere else in any other field. Kid and I may be the same age — but my boss told me I’m such a better attorney. There is a low threshold here, obviously, but it still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

FYI — according to his profile, Kid was law school valedictorian. It was a crappy law school though. But it just goes to show, in the real world—law school grades mean absolutely nothing.  

It’s almost 3 in the morning, I’ve been awake since 1:30 and my alarm is set for 4. I’m exhausted and I can’t remember the last night I had slept the whole night through. I’m exhausted from the week I just had and I can’t even begin to describe the roller coaster of emotions I’ve had.

About 12 hours ago, I married the man of my dreams and he is perfect in every way. Our wedding — I can’t say it was perfect. Yes— every wedding doesn’t go as planned and has a few snags. Mine certainly did. But despite those tiny things that went awry and make me cringe. It still wasn’t everything I dreamed of.

Since I was a little girl— I was 8— I dreamed of having my grandfather perform my marriage. He officiated my aunts wedding and I knew I wanted him to do mine. It would be so special—-more than any other marriage. His marriage to my grandmother was so strong and loving— I wanted a marriage like that.

I asked my grandpa in July to perform the ceremony. He smiled and said he’d try. He wasn’t as strong as he used to be— I was prepared to have him in a chair if necessary. Sunday he told his pastor how excited he was to do it and how happy he was that I asked.

Five days ago, Tuesday morning, I got a call that changed my day, my week, my life. rdm came in the room at 6 am —he had slept on the couch so he wouldn’t give me his cold. my mom had called him twice. Something was wrong. I called her back. Mom what’s wrong? Is Rdm there? Yes,why? Put him on the phone. I was so confused.
She had him put the phone on speaker. With a calm and steady voice she managed to tell me heartbreaking news: Papaw passed away in his sleep last night.

I was shocked. Numb. The first wave of crying fits came. I was angry. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Devastated. I was a mess. What do I need to do? What am I supposed to do? How is grandma? When did I last see him? When did I last speak with him? What did I say? The grief I felt was unbearable. I went to work that morning trying to be strong but I was lost and just a mess. I went home to pack up and leave.

We were on the road Wednesday. I had to see him that day. He wasn’t there. It was his body but it wasnt him. I couldn’t look anymore. Whoever this was, I didn’t want to remember him. I wanted my papaw and he wasn’t to be found.

My two year old nephew broke my heart. He said papaw is sleepin. But later at papaw’s house, he wanted papaw. My grandpa loved that kid so much.

That night I worked on his memorial video. I wanted something special — especially for my mom. It had to be perfect. I wish I had more pictures of him - but I had to make do with the few on my computer. I think it was still perfect.

The funeral was Thursday. It was a beautiful day. Grandma looked numb. Mom was no longer calm and collected. I held them every chance i got.

By now, I had whatever nastiness rdm had. I was numb, miserable, tired and sick. I just wanted soup the way papaw made it. I wanted to go home and go to bed.

But we drove to rdm’s mom’s cabin. But first she wanted rdm to see the rehearsal spot. I agreed to see it, thinking it could be done in five minutes. But after, she wanted to have dinner there. I should have said no. I ordered soup and tea. But the meal took forever to come out. I just wanted to cry — so I went and locked myself in the bathroom several times and let myself go. My soup was not good. I hadn’t eaten all day. I just wanted to wake up and this all be a nightmare.

I had no idea how I was going to get through the weekend. Smiling seemed like climbing mount everest. Not too many people knew. I wanted to punch anyone who told me to smile. I wanted to cry. I wanted to pitch a two year old fit. Why did this have to happen? Why now? What is Gods plan or reason? I couldnt think of any good one. I wanted to be angry with him— but papaw would hate that. I loved my grandpa too much to be mad him for anything—- so it wasn’t his fault either. But what did I do to deserve this pain? I know I’m not perfect, but am I really that bad?

I couldnt sleep. Between the grief and my cold. The rehearsal was alright. I cried when I saw my friends. I could just feel their love and sympathy the moment I saw them. It was too much.

I woke up saturday early early. I Felt like a anvil had been placed on my chest. I thought i was having a heart attack. My dad heard me. He prepared alka seltzer and sat with me while I drank the disgusting medicine. He rubbed my back and held me. I love him so much for that.

I never fell back asleep. I got up and showered. It looked like rain— everything that could have gone wrong looked like it was going to happen. I showered. I cried. I didn’t know to make it through the day. My stomach hurt. I threw up. I was so hot. I laid on the floor but then it was time to get going.

From there it got a little easier. I was still stressed. Flowers were late. My cake had the wrong color. we didn’t have enough decorations. Things were missing.

My hair was done. Nails somewhat polished. Makeup fixed. I got my dress on. I was managing well—

Till someone asked—- is it everything you imagined. I thought of papaw. I whispered almost. And I broke down.

The ceremony started. It was my time. I walked down the aisle. I couldnt look at rdm. He was supposed to be by my grandpa. Now it was family friend— who I loved dearly. I had asked to back up my grandpa in case he needed help. He agreed but had then said “it will be your grandpas day”.

I was good though. Until the vows. Everything said was exactly what my grandpa did for 56 years. Now grandma was alone. What would she do? Will that be me? I can’t bear the thought of losing rdm. I cried. My voice cracked. Then it was over.

The rest went by quickly. The end was painful. No one would dance, but I was set on making it happen. Rdm and I danced and I’m sure we looked ridiculous.

I kept my eye on grandma and mama. Mama always looked like she was going to cry and I was never sure if it was joy or grief. Grandma still looked numb. But she watched and I think I made her laugh. I hugged them several times. I kissed them and told them how much I loved them. I broke down one last time.

And then we left. It was a whirlwind. I was haunted by the tiny flaws. Worried about what the guest thought— did they have fun? Did they enjoy it?

I know papaw was there — watching from above. He at least made sure there was perfect weather. It was cloudy but warm and beautiful. He whispered and the wind blew. The leaves fell from the trees and Reminded me of his leaving of this place. He smiled and the sun shined. I love him and miss him so very much.

and our wedding is in FIVE days. I blame this on HOTLANTA where he spent the weekend in smoked out restaurants and bars. Georgia, it is 2012. Smoking in public areas is bad for one’s health. Haven’t you seen the smoker’s lung in the Bodies Exhibit? geez. Get with the program.

LONG ago, before the great state of North Carolina banned indoor smoking, I once worked in a restaurant- while it was non-smoking, for some reason my co-workers were allowed to smoke inside during the break between lunch and dinner.  Whenever I cleaned the inside windows, the paper towels I used would turn black as coal. Yep. That’s what your lungs look like. Disgusting.

* We applied for our marriage license tonight and just have to pick it up and pay for it on Monday! {Although this little detail is a little annoying but required to get married. Maybe I don’t want the state all up in my religious business — in other words, how about the state not have anything to do with marriage mmmkthanks?}

* Tomorrow we’ll FINALLY be in the 10 day forecast and I’m hoping the weatherman has it together. I don’t want to have deal with the headache of a rain plan and so he better be calling for sunshine and he better be right.

* rdm has his FIRST residency interview this week! He is off to Rochester, Minnesota in the am. Moving somewhere new sounds exciting, but I’m not so sure I’m ready to move that far north — brrr.

EVERY day and EVERY night, my neighbor (about 30ish) steps out on his patio to have a cigarette. He does this FREQUENTLY. I’m talking once EVERY hour. And yes, that includes 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, etc. I know because I HEAR him coughing up a lung like he is about ready to croak. I think it’s time he gets that cough checked out — mainly because I’m tired of hearing it every morning at 4 am.

does not have a suit. We are down to 20 days. And if he shows up in overalls…there will be an eruption of volcanic proportions and its damages will far exceed that of Mount Vesuvius.

I hate when someone starts a story and I think it’s going to be funny and I laugh only to find out the story isn’t funny at all and is a little depressing.

1. People who do not rsvp by the deadline.

2. People who do not rsvp because they think I know they are coming. Of course I knew you were coming, that is why I sent you a rsvp card with a stamp on it. [hint the sarcasm]

3. People who do rsvp back but are bringing along a guest when I specifically did not denote “and guest.”

grr…

… That starts off with “This may sound like a conspiracy theory but…”